You are not doing anything “wrong” by feeding your 15-month-old to sleep. You’ve used a powerful soothing tool for a long time, and his brain has quite literally wired “breast = safety = sleep”. That wiring is why this feels so big to change now.
Around 15 months, we see a few things happening in the brain:
Attachment circuitry is still very active – toddlers often become clingier, not less, as mobility and separation awareness increase.
Sleep regulation is still maturing – the “body clock” and the systems that help link sleep cycles together are refining their connections.
The absorbent mind is in full swing – he’s taking in routines and emotional patterns effortlessly, especially around sleep and comfort.
From a Montessori perspective, independence doesn’t mean “do it alone, suddenly”. It means gradually giving the child real, meaningful roles and choices, while keeping a strong sense of safety and predictability.
For sleep and weaning, that can look like:
Separate “connection time” from “falling asleep time”
Keep a lovely, predictable wind-down that includes cuddles and breastfeeds – but slowly shift the moment of falling asleep.
You might move the final feed to a comfy chair, then carry him to bed still awake but very drowsy.
At first he will protest – his brain is saying, “Wait, we usually finish this on the breast.” Stay close, shush, pat, and be very consistent.
Introduce a stable sleep association that isn’t you
Think: the same sleeping bag, the same soft phrase, the same gentle song, the same comfort object offered every time.
Montessori would call this order and repetition – the brain learns “when these things happen, sleep is coming” even if the way we fall asleep is changing.
Offer small, real choices at bedtime
Rather than “Do you want to go to bed?” (to which the answer is usually “no”), try:
“Do you want the blue pyjamas or the green ones?”
“Shall we read the baby book or the animal book?”
“Do you want to climb into bed yourself, or shall I lift you?”
These are Montessori-aligned choices that build a sense of control without putting the big decision (“Do we go to sleep?”) on him.
Gently adjust the night feeds
Once your bedtime rhythm feels a little more stable, you can slowly reduce how often you feed overnight:
Start by choosing one or two wakings where you will feed as usual, and one waking where you will settle in arms or beside him without feeding.
Keep your response very calm and predictable – same phrase, same touch, same positioning each time.
Over many nights, gradually increase the number of wakes where you offer comfort without feeding.
Protect your nervous system too
The “critical windows” language can sometimes make parents feel like they must get everything “perfect” or they’ll damage the brain. That’s not how development works. The brain is plastic and robust.
What matters most is:
He regularly gets enough sleep overall
You are mostly calm and responsive (no one is perfect)
Changes are made slowly and with connection, not punishment
It is absolutely okay to say, “My body is tired, and our pattern needs to shift now.” You can honour the connection breastfeeding has given you and support more independent sleep. The brain wiring you’ve built isn’t broken by this; it’s being updated.
If the night waking stays extreme (every hour, for weeks) even after gentle changes to routines and environment, it’s worth checking in with your GP or child health nurse to rule out things like iron deficiency, reflux or other medical contributors. But for most toddlers, what you’re describing fits a very normal, very exhausting, developmental phase – and a gentle weaning plan like this is a kind, brain-respectful way through it.